1 Corinthians 13:7

 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Here is a song I received yesterday which brought tears and inspiration to write this:

http://www.harszlak.com/Salmon/Becca/The_Hard_Part.mp3

Four years ago today, May 1 , 2010 I married Jim knowing that our days together may be few.

Life was not what I did for him

But what we did for each other.

Jim opened my heart to love again, he filled my loneliness

He brought me back to God and a church family.

We traveled, we laughed, had movie nights, dinners out and barbecues in.

We cried, we prayed, and thanked God for another day.

We were blessed with just over 2 years of marriage

But it seemed like a lifetime of love

On the day he died I told him I didn’t want to be his nurse anymore

I only wanted to be his wife.

I visit his bench and play Sue’s song and cry and pray.

He thought he had nothing to give, when he gave me the greatest love I have ever had.

Some days are hard when I come home to empty house and sleep in an empty bed

But I have memories that fill the hole in my heart.

Yes  I have questioned why we only had a short season together.

I trust God and know his plans are for the good .

And I know I will see Jim in the Heaven’s above one day.

Happy Anniversary to the love of my life !

I am blessed to be your wife!

Peace  Love  Prayers and Expect a Miracle every day!

Mark 10:6-9

“But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’  ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,  and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one.  Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

After Jim got diagnosed in January 2010,  about a month later we were sitting on the couch…and he said I have something I want to ask you but I can’t…I said what is it???? He started to cry and said I want to marry you but I can’t ask because I do not have a ring.  Of course I started to cry and said I don’t need a ring…that is not love and yes I will marry you.

After his second surgery he was not supposed to live much longer…..so I thought that day would never come.  We did  marry on May 1st 2010 and while looking for wedding bands God made a way for us to buy that engagement ring along with the wedding bands.

They say the exchanging of the rings expresses the couple’s promise of faithfulness to each other. The unending circle of the ring is a  symbol of eternity.  The wedding ring is the outward expression of the inward bond, as two hearts unite as one, promising to love each other with fidelity for all eternity.

Fast forward to a year ago….when Jim was in Hospice care….they took him off his water pill and Stella his angel nurse said to me….we have to take off his wedding band….or else he will swell up and we will have to have it cut off.

I cried when she said this,  feeling that I was losing this eternity making it more real that the until death do us part was coming so I  put that ring on my chain around my neck and held it  near my heart  while I tried to sleep at night.

After he died I started wearing  Jim’s cross and wore his ring on my right hand……I struggled with being a widow now…..I am Jim’s wife and he has left this earth.  After much prayer and thought I knew I wanted to do something with my rings so strangers and new students would not ask me questions about my husband……and I would have to hear the I am so sorry, the looks, the pity.

I  wanted to wear them to symbolize our everlasting love and connection, so I went to a jeweler who took my ideas and now I have my band sized for my left pinky finger and on my right hand I have the new ring  which is the engagement ring inserted into his wedding band to wear forever.

This may be one more  step of acceptance in my season of grief.  I know we will be together in eternity someday, until then I have our joined rings as a symbol of our love.   Peace Love and Prayers and kisses to the heavens.

Jeremiah 29: 11-14
“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me…I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes”

When we end a year and begin a New Year, there are reflections, resolutions, regrets and plans. I started reflecting last night and was looking through Jim’s posts of last year and I found the above scripture.

A year ago, I had the hope, Jim had hope, he was being treated at Cancer Treatment Centers of America in Zion IL.

We traveled there from November 2011 until April 2012. His last chemotherapy was in March. In April 2012 we first heard those words, “there is nothing we can do”. Our limo driver gave us a mini tour of Chicago on the way to our last plane trip home. We still had hope.

In 2012 was the historical “Harzfest” to help us with Medical expenses, it was emotional for all but I could feel all the peace, love and God in that room all day and night.

After radiation treatments here that ended in June 2012 again we heard those words, “There is nothing more we can do”.  Even with this news, we still prayed, hoped and believed in a miracle.

We lived life to the fullest and there were picnics, 56th Birthday celebrations ,  we traveled to Cleveland to the Grateful Dead Exposition and took a Bahama Cruise in August.

Again we had plans and God had other plans, during the trip, Jim’s health changed, shortness of breath and was put on oxygen.  ER trip on Labor day and Hospice began on September 5th a week later he went home to be with God on September 12, 2012.

He did receive that miracle and new Birthday when he would be cancer free.  I wish that would have happened here, but again God had other plans.

Ephesians 2: 8-10

⁸ For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— ⁹ not by works, so that no one can boast. ¹⁰ For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Grace is a gift from God and that has gotten me through these last few months.  I am grieving but I am healing.  This song by Mercy Me is my new ring tone, it says in song what I cannot put in words.

So it is December 31st  the end of 2012 and the we has become me and after days of sickness I took a ride, last year at this time, my plans were to still have Jim with me, not to go to his memorial bench.

There are so many blessings in 2012 even during this time of grief.  There is the Jim Harszlak Foundation, which has helped many people already, planning for Harzfest 2013, the love of family and friends and even strangers has been wonderful.  The return of my oldest son Derek to the area and the comfort of my two sons during this time.  I now have friends that I never had, supportive church family and pastors, and each and every one of you reading this.

So I may not say Happy New Year tomorrow but I wish everyone blessings in 2013.  I am not making plans or resolutions, I have no regrets  and will continue to have hope and faith and expect those miracles in life.

I do know that I will pray more, love more and tell and show someone I love them every day.  Tomorrow is not a promise we only have today!

Peace, Love and Prayers to all in 2013.

Sue Holler-Harszlak

Forgetting the Past

Philippians 3:13-14
No, dear brothers and sisters, I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us up to heaven. (NLT)

As I end the year I like looking back at the pictures I took to bring back some of those memories. Don’t remember what I did last New Years Eve…but it will probably be the same, spending time with my husband watching the ball drop on TV and maybe watching a movie.

We have done a lot of things this year, the Skatepark grand opening, Trip to St Croix in August, Anniversary, Baptism, births, celebrations and being Cancer Warriors.

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Celebrating my sons birthdays with nostalgic gifts, and Derek moved back from Portland this year and Dustin moved to Fairport, NY for a great job opportunity.  Enjoyed our lunch/dinner get together.

One monumental event was the celebration of our one year wedding anniversary on May 1, 2011.  With Jim’s health problems I did not think on the day that we got married that we would get there.

A New Heart

Ezekiel 36:25-27
“Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean. Your filth will be washed away, and you will no longer worship idols. And I will give you a new heart with new and right desires, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony heart of sin and give you a new, obedient heart. And I will put my Spirit in you so you will obey my laws and do whatever I command. (NLT)

Spiritually, we continue to go to church, believe in miracles and love our church family.  We made a commitment and joined Bethesda Full Tabernacle Church and we were baptized in June 2011.

Now we have added a smoker to our small patio.  Jim continues to grill, and I even managed to cook some meals that were edible inside!

New Birth – A Living Hope

1 Peter 1:3
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. (NIV)

This year a new addition was added to our family, Kylie Addison Best, March 27, 2011.  I have had fun taking photo shoots and being a great Aunt!

In December I was at Bryant and Stratton for three years, I enjoy all my students and it is extra special as Karli is one of my students as a Medical Administrative Assistant student.  I am also the Allied Health Club Advisor and we fundraise to give back to the medical Community.  Last year we volunteered for the Variety Club Telethon, Susan B Komen walk and will do so again this year.

Hope for the Future

Jeremiah 29:11
“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. (NLT)

Spending time with family and friends has been a big part of the year that is so important to our lives.

Yearly Christmas photos of the Holler kids and Grandkids.

Wait on the Lord

Isaiah 40:31
Yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary. (NASB)

My faith has been strengthened this year through the continuous battle of Jim’s cancer.  He started off the year on chemo break but the tumor markers increased in March so back to treatments every other week until October and Dr. Soh put him on a break.

While hearing a speaker at school from Wings, Flights of Hope, I heard of the Cancer Treatment Centers of America and we went to Chicago in November and December of this year for more chemotherapy treatments.

Each New Day is Special

Lamentations 3:22-24
The unfailing love of the LORD never ends! By his mercies we have been kept from complete destruction. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each day. I say to myself, “The LORD is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!” (NASB)

Looking forward to the New Year 2012, another year of expecting miracles, getting older, as my sons will be 30 and 27 , of hope and friendships as we look forward to the Harzfest in February to help us out with medical bills.  As my husband would say PEACE and LOVE to all in the New Year!

Arrival in St. Croix from St. Thomas on 9 passenger propeller plane.

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There were rainbows and coconut trees!

Visits to Christianstead & Fredrickstead!

Crab Races

Buck Island Snorkling Adventure.

Carribbean BBQ and the Mocko Jumbie Dancers.

Swimming, Reading and listening to steel drums and Carribbean Jazz.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6)

Happy 55 years of living today to my warrior husband -the man with many hats!

When we were out buying this Sinatra Hat the other day he said to me “I never asked you if you liked me in a hat?”  I started laughing as he had and has so many and 2 years later is not the time to ask this question?

This hat was one of the first he wore during our first summer and truthfully I didn’t like that one, and this was thrown out and replaced soon after!

He has hats for Christmas

Winter Hat

NY Yankees Hat.

Bills Hat

Sabres Hat.

Smell the Roses Cap!

Summertime Grillin Hat!

Time with Tim Cap!

Let me tell you the story cap!

Memorial Day 2011  Hat!

Warrior Cap during chemo!

Fighting Cancer with Sabres hat!

When we met again almost two years ago, I did not want to fall in love again, but my heart was open to love again and because of situations beyond our control you became  my warrior and warrior to many!

Everyone touched by Cancer is a Warrior

Those Tenaciously Fighting their disease, their family members,friends,caregivers, and medical staff.

All who love and support them -All are Warriors!

I am glad you are a  warrior and are fighting the fight to be here today!  I am a lucky woman to be with you as you celebrate 55 years of living!  I love all of you and your hats, I know we will have a blessed day as we celebrate another year of your life today!

Love and Peace and Happy Birthday

Sue

Revelation 21:4
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

On November 5th 2008 words cannot describe the shock and grief we all felt on the sudden death of Gregory Hayes Holler.  A day and a phone call that I will never forget in my life and still have no answers for.  Family and friends spent time grieving and trying to find  ways to keep his memory alive.

In September 2009 we got together for the Out of Darkness Walk in Delaware Park to grieve and find comfort with others who have lost loved ones. We also raised funds to provide education and awareness so that others may not have to face this tragedy in their families. We formed the Angels for Gregory Team.

It was about December of 2009 that Dr. Thomas Small who was one of Gregory’s doctors suggested the family memorialize Gregory somehow and we thought of the things he loved to do and the small Tonawanda Skatepark was a part of his daily routine on his BMX bike, as well as other places.

The first event we planned was a basket raffle, auction fundraiser at the American Legion in April of 2010.  We raised over $25,000, but the estimates for a skatepark were well over $100,000 , so how do we get there?

We than heard of the Pepsi refresh project for community projects and tried unsuccessfully for a couple of months to get in the application.  My brother John Holler finally got the project in June.  We were trying for $50,000 category.  We were unsuccessful in June, so we got together to sign up people to vote at local concerts.

In June 2010  the first GHH Memorial Scholarship  of $1,000 was given to Katie Meyer, at the Tonawanda Class of 2010 Graduation.  This was the year Gregory was to graduate and Katie was a friend of Gregory’s since grade school!

In July many friends from all over the United , England and as far as Singapore were voting for the Tonawanda Skatepark, GHH Memorial Fund to be in the top 10 of the Pepsi Contest. Finally in July we won the $50,000!

Pepsi Refresh

Who-Skates Skatepark was chosen to design the concrete park and the fund was short about $5,000 .  The GHH Memorial Fund put together another fundraiser with a Pig Roast by Torches restaurant and the final money for phase one was raised.

The groundbreaking was set up for October 10, 2010 which was Gregory’s Birthday.  It was a beautiful sunny day and we know an angel was looking down on us as we broke ground and released Happy Birthday Balloons.

The groundwork started with stones and dirt work donated by Preszioso and Son’s. The construction started when Who-Skates Skatepark crew came into town.

The concrete was ready to be poured in mid November 2010 and hopefully finished by Thanksgiving.

The rains came after a lot of the concrete was to be poured, but it would not be complete by Thanksgiving.  The crew was all from out-of-town, so the Holler Family hosted them for Thanksgiving dinner.

The work continued two days later to complete and add final touches before they were to leave town.

In December 2010 the concrete was complete and as soon as the cement was complete, skaters and bikers came

out to try the park!

A grant was written and the GHH Skatepark was given $5,000 by the Tony Hawk Foundation, so more concrete was added in the Spring of 2011.

“Bricks of Love” are being sold to help with Phase II of the development.  They will be placed in the park.

This blog is in dedication to the Grand Opening of the GHH Community Skatepark on May 22, 2011.  This park was built by the GHH Memorial Fund in memory of Gregory Hayes Holler who was one of the young ones who left us all too soon.   His memory will live on and hopefully this free community park will create new memories for many years to come.

Today is our first anniversary of our wedding.  I made this collage of pictures of the two of us and was surprised to find so many.  I am the picture taker and we have to ask strangers or they ask us in our travels.  There is a picture from our first summer together at a Rusted Root concert.  Someone clicked our picture, gave us a card from Buffalo Barfly…I laughed, thinking that now we are going to be published in a barfly site, and I don’t drink!

We met again via Facebook in June of 2009, and I was not looking for anyone to spend time with.  I was content on my own, working a lot and living by myself in my new home.  Jim always said he would open my heart again to love and he did. I never thought 11 months later I would be married to him!

Our wedding was small and simple but the most important thing was that we were married in Bethesda Church in the eyes of God.  We were planning on reception later, but his sister Donna wanted to make a cake, so we had to have something with the cake and invite guests to help us eat it.  Than there was plans of more food.  We had a small reception in my parents backyard on a sunny warm May day, it was perfect.

The next week Jim was at chemotherapy so there was no honeymoon, but we took a break in August and went to Punta Cana, Dominican Republic.  We enjoyed the sun and food and we both got some color.

This past year has had its ups and downs, but we have each other and our love has grown each day. He has gained some weight and strength back, had a chemo vacation for 6 months, but just finished his second treatment of round 2.

We have joined our church and have filled our time with small group studies and are working on learning more about God’s word and believing  in his healing miracles.

I am looking forward to the next year together, enjoying walks and the summertime together, maybe another vacation in August.

I am so happy that I opened my heart again to love and know that if  I live one day at a time and leave the plans to God I am living beyond my wildest dream !  I am blessed and I love you honey so much, thank you for being a blessing in my life!